SYDNEY — Australian AI data-center company Firmus has abandoned its planned $5 billion IPO after investors committed the unforgivable offense of trying to value the company using numbers that currently exist.
The Nvidia-backed firm had sought a $30.6 billion equity valuation, nearly triple its value two months earlier, despite operating just two data centers and having five more in various stages of not existing yet.
To help investors understand its extraordinary potential, Firmus introduced a novel financial metric called “EV+1/EBIT+2,” which essentially allows investors to compare tomorrow's valuation against earnings from the day after tomorrow.
Traditional financial analysis, which selfishly insists on measuring things like profits, cash flows, and operational performance, has struggled to keep pace with the AI industry's revolutionary ability to spend money.
“EBITDA was a great innovation because it allowed us to ignore certain expenses,” explained one investment banker. “But eventually we realized we could achieve much better results by ignoring the present altogether.”
Investors nevertheless balked, apparently concerned that the company's ambitious expansion plans would require substantial capital, actual construction, and eventually customers willing to pay for electricity-intensive computing services.
Firmus blamed market conditions and announced it would pursue private financing, where valuations can remain theoretical without the inconvenience of thousands of people publicly disagreeing.
Wall Street analysts are reportedly developing an improved valuation metric, EV+∞/EBIT+∞, under which every company is infinitely profitable and all investments are guaranteed to succeed.
Inspired by:
Reuters - "Nvidia-backed Firmus scraps $5 billion Australian IPO on poor demand" (October 8, 2026)
