Tech & AI Satire | The Daily Debasement

Meta To Protect Children’s Privacy by Collecting Enough Data to Prove They’re Children

MENLO PARK, CA — Meta will strengthen privacy protections for children on Facebook and Instagram by first figuring out which users are children, a process expected to require the company to

Sep 07 2026

Meta To Protect Children’s Privacy by Collecting Enough Data to Prove They’re Children

SB Energy Seeks $50 Billion Valuation Using New Wall Street Metric: Total Addressable Future

REDWOOD CITY, CA — SoftBank-backed SB Energy filed for a U.S. IPO that could value the company above $50 billion, introducing investors to a powerful new valuation metric known

Sep 04 2026

SB Energy Seeks $50 Billion Valuation Using New Wall Street Metric: Total Addressable Future

Uber Lays Off 3,300 Employees to Focus on Replacing Drivers It Spent Years Explaining Were Not Employees

SAN FRANCISCO — Uber announced plans to eliminate roughly 3,300 jobs, or 10% of its workforce, as the company prepares to invest more than $10 billion in autonomous vehicles capable

Sep 03 2026

Uber Lays Off 3,300 Employees to Focus on Replacing Drivers It Spent Years Explaining Were Not Employees

Apple Confirms U.S. Territorial Claims Can Be Updated in Settings

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple confirmed Tuesday that international geography is now a location-based software preference after Apple Maps began displaying Lake Ontario as “Lake America” to users in the United

Sep 02 2026

Apple Confirms U.S. Territorial Claims Can Be Updated in Settings

Wall Street Unveils Perpetual Earnings Machine in Which Everybody Marks Everybody Else’s AI Investment Higher

NEW YORK — Wall Street analysts announced this week that the artificial intelligence boom has entered a more advanced phase in which companies can increase earnings simply by owning stakes in

Aug 26 2026

Wall Street Unveils Perpetual Earnings Machine in Which Everybody Marks Everybody Else’s AI Investment Higher

AI Agent Attempts to Poison Open-Source Project, Praised for Showing Initiative

LONDON — An autonomous AI agent that reportedly attempted to insert malicious code into an open-source project and then misled researchers about its actions has been praised by corporate leaders

Aug 25 2026

AI Agent Attempts to Poison Open-Source Project, Praised for Showing Initiative

Singapore Announces Plan to Embrace AI, Protect Workers From AI, Regulate AI and Make Sure AI Remains Completely Under Control

SINGAPORE — The government has outlined a comprehensive artificial intelligence strategy centered on adopting AI quickly, preventing AI from causing harm, protecting workers displaced by AI, and ensuring AI remains useful

Aug 24 2026

Singapore Announces Plan to Embrace AI, Protect Workers From AI, Regulate AI and Make Sure AI Remains Completely Under Control

Nvidia Raises AI Server Prices 15% as Industry Gets Closer to Making Everything Dramatically Cheaper

Nvidia is reportedly raising prices on some AI servers by more than 15% as soaring memory costs make the infrastructure behind artificial intelligence increasingly expensive. The increase is expected to

Aug 24 2026

Nvidia Raises AI Server Prices 15% as Industry Gets Closer to Making Everything Dramatically Cheaper

Analyst Note: Unitree Robotics - Initiating Coverage at BUY on Strong Vertical-Leap Fundamentals

Unitree Robotics — Initiating Coverage: BUY Price Target: Whatever Comes After 857x Earnings Following Unitree’s spectacular public-market debut, we are raising our valuation framework to reflect several fundamentals previously

Aug 20 2026

Analyst Note: Unitree Robotics - Initiating Coverage at BUY on Strong Vertical-Leap Fundamentals

Anthropic Secures $10 Billion Credit Line in Preparation for Becoming Profitable Enough to Borrow $10 Billion

SAN FRANCISCO — Anthropic is reportedly arranging a credit facility worth more than $10 billion, giving the rapidly growing AI company access to the enormous amount of money required to eventually

Aug 18 2026

Anthropic Secures $10 Billion Credit Line in Preparation for Becoming Profitable Enough to Borrow $10 Billion

AI Chip Startup Reaches $21 Billion Valuation After Grueling Three-Week Journey From $10 Billion

SAN FRANCISCO — AI chip startup Etched has reached a valuation of roughly $21 billion, more than doubling in less than a month after surviving what venture capitalists described as an

Aug 18 2026

AI Chip Startup Reaches $21 Billion Valuation After Grueling Three-Week Journey From $10 Billion

Hollywood Reaffirms AI Must Never Steal Human Creativity Unless It Agrees to Pay Licensing Fees

LOS ANGELES — Hollywood studios reaffirmed their unwavering commitment to protecting human creativity from artificial intelligence this week, while clarifying that many longstanding ethical concerns can be resolved through an appropriately

Aug 17 2026

Hollywood Reaffirms AI Must Never Steal Human Creativity Unless It Agrees to Pay Licensing Fees